Loving The Filth
Ever since I can remember, I’ve eaten more than those around me. Early doors I had the excuse I was a growing lad as at twelve I was 6 foot 4. Nowadays my growing is all horizontal not vertical and I should probably eat less. Exercise helps- I’m in the gym every day when I’m working in Ireland and go jogging in my local vineyard when I’m at home in Surrey. However BMI don’t lie and I just creep into the obese category because I just love the filth. Chocolate and cake, tick. A pie, tick. Chinese, lovely. Curry? Don’t mind if I do etc etc…
The enemy, the real enemy, is the buffet. I can’t resist a return voyage or two. I don’t know when to stop; I literally eat everything that’s put in front of me. When working in Ireland I stay in a hotel which has a full Irish breakfast included and it’s a buffet. I started to sit with my back to the buffet to stop the black sausage calling me back. The waitress was trying to be kind as every morning I’d eat all the toast she brought me so the next day she bring me an additional slice. This went on and on and eventually I had to stipulate how many slices I wanted as she was toasting a loaf just for me.
The boss Ben recently came for an Irish visit and hearing of my reputation reckoned he could take me on. He picked his restaurant, the China Sichuan Restaurant in Dublin 18, but I don’t think he realised what he was taking on. Charlie came to eat and spectate. Boss Ben gave it the biggun as he gave the order of prawn crackers, starters platter for three + several other starters he then went on to order crispy duck as a palate cleanser followed by 5 main courses and rice for three. Charlie wasn’t really involved but me and Ben got stuck in and polished off the lot. Ben turned to me thinking it was going to be a draw and said he was stuffed and couldn’t eat another thing. Turning to him I said I could eat the same again and ordered a pudding. He was crushed. He’d been whipping it for all it was worth and hadn’t realised I‘d been on the bridle the whole time.
Incidentally the China Sichuan Restaurant was half an hour’s drive from Dublin but definitely worth it as it was some of the best Chinese food I’ve ever had. Needless to say the boss got his own back by doing the most incredible guffs on the car ride home.
