Hey Fatty Tum Tum

I should now be 1 stone lighter (a trim 18 stone 8). Unfortunately I’m 19 stone 6, a mere 4lbs off my start weight. I still want to be 16 stone by Christmas so how’s that going to happen?

I’m not a comfort eater I’m more of an awake eater. I’m not ashamed of my extra pounds and am not trying to lose them from vanity; it’s just I want to be around when my kids are 30. I’m not a smoker or a drinker – grub’s my smack. I don’t mind a bit of exercise and I know it’s a simple calculation calories in minus calories expended.

Before my 30th birthday I had a spread bet with my mates who “bought” my 30th birthday weight at 200lb (a mere 14 stone 4lb) and it took me 3 hours in the leisure centre gym and weighing myself in their foyer in just my kacks to make it nothing done. I’ve put on 60lb since then it’s like carrying my kids round all day every day and if I’m doing that surely I’d be extra fit.

So if you want to take me on you can buy my Christmas Eve 2012 weight at 225lb email all bets to accounts@starspreads.com for consideration. The downside is pretty small – I’m not going much below this unless I get tapeworms and a dose of amoebic dysentery. Should I make it I’ve got a lot to look forward to: bending down to tie up my laces without having to hold my breath, seeing “little Moo” whilst standing erect… no me standing erect not little Moo.

When I write my next blog the big figure is going to be 18 and not 18 stone 20lb. So fingers crossed, gobs shut, legs running and away we go.