Wimbledon Men's Final – The Stat Man!

To be read in the tune of “Scat Man”

I’m the Stat Man…

Ski bi di bi di do bap do do bam do

Everybody flutters one way or the other

So check out my message to you.

As a matter of fact,

Whatever you decide to back,

If the Stat Man can do it, so can you.

Everybody says that Andy Murray stutters

But doesn’t ever stutter when he wins?

But what you don’t know

I’m gonna tell you right now

That “the stutter” and the Djok are the same thing.

Why should we be backing any Serbian players who would

Try to blame the surface if they could?

The state of the condition

Insults my intuition

We’d all back a coin toss at 6-4 if we could.

I hear you ask all about the meaning of value…

Well I’m the professor, and all I can tell you,

Is while you’re still sleeping

And the saints are still weeping

The things you call bets haven’t yet had the chance to be gubbed.

I’m the Stat Man

Translation: this is a pick’em match in all but name and you should back Murray at odds against.

*With apologies to John “Scatman” Larkin